The designation “polite society” is, of course, a nuanced expression which has as its primary focus “the etiquette and manners of the upper class.” However, the term is really broader than that, and in fact it has also come to depict more generally those who practice good graces in whatever circumstance and in spite of their social status. We might say, for example: “That sort of thing is just not done in polite society.” Years ago in America we used this turn of phrase commonly when we talked about people who were well-mannered and polite, versus those who were unrefined and uncultured. Such refinement was considered to be an indication of good breeding, or even better, of good raising. Today, though, it is more difficult to think of many situations where this well-worn expression could be employed. Sad to say, our culture knows little of politeness and gentlemanly behavior any more. Many of us bear a greater resemblance to a group of brawlers in a saloon than to courtly ladies and gentlemen.

Over the course of recent years American culture has grown to be ever more crass and insensitive to the feelings of others with whom clueless representatives of that culture come into contact and to whom they speak. One modern female writer opined: “Politeness. Now there’s a poor man’s virtue if ever there was one. What’s so admirable about inoffensiveness, I should like to know. After all, it’s easily achieved. One needs no particular talent to be polite. On the contrary, being nice is what’s left when you’ve failed at everything else. People with ambition don’t give a _____ what other people think about them.” My guess is that she is not much of a lady! Both her attitude and her choice of language leave something to be desired. Unfortunately, she has put into words that which is the exact sentiment of many people in our day.

In fact, it is quite extraordinary how extremely insulting and outrageously offensive people can be to one another on a daily basis in the contemporary world, especially on social media outlets and in milieus where they consider themselves to be anonymous. In those environments they readily use profanity, cursing, swearing, and throw all sorts of nasty invectives at those with whom they disagree on a whole host of different subjects. The “political correctness police” are particularly offensive toward others who do not hew the line in regard to those matters about which they become especially exercised. In our view they are well aware of how tenuous and flimsy are the arguments that fortify their views and are not especially eager to engage in debate about them. So, insults and ad hominem attacks are employed against their opponents in order to deflect attention away from the intrinsic weakness of their case.

The Lord’s people must not be drawn into this cycle of nastiness simply because we feel a need to reciprocate in kind in response to such outrages, in spite of the rather natural and all-too-human desire to do so. This situation was brought home to me in a most personal and lucid way not too long ago. Last year, while I was engaged in a gospel meeting with a congregation in North Carolina, I was invited by the local preacher to participate in a Bible study with a young couple who were dating, along with the lady’s father. The young man was a member of the church where I was visiting, while the girl was from a denominational background, and we were there to concentrate on the differences and challenges of a potential marriage to someone from a different faith-stance. The discussion involved a number of subjects, but at the center of it all was the issue of whether baptism was “for the remission of sins” or not. The young lady was a member of a certain Baptist church in the area and the father belonged to a “community church” group that was also local. What I have just described is a situation that is not all that out of the ordinary, in fact there have been many comparable studies in which I have been involved throughout many years of my work as a preacher, but I must observe that this pair of studies stands out in recent memory in a most extraordinary way!

A follow-up study to the first one came later in the week with the same group, in the latter case involving the minister of the community church. At the first study, the father of the girl involved called me just about every insulting name that was imaginable, except that he stopped short of profanity. All the while, the young lady was telling her father to stop the barrage of invectives and behave himself. Later on that first evening, after we had gone back home, he called and apologized to me. I accepted his apology and encouraged the continuation of the process in a more loving and brotherly spirit. At the second study, he started this same cycle of name-calling, while the daughter repeatedly asked that he stop the vilification. At two different junctures in our discussion, the minister from the community church (obviously embarrassed by the fellow’s behavior) felt obliged to halt the proceedings momentarily in order to speak with the man about the inappropriateness of his attitude and his words. He was not amenable to the correction, even from his own preacher. In each instance he calmed down, but only for the moment. I was not long until he launched another tirade.

The other preacher and I had listened respectfully as they had set forth their affirmative, and had asked that we receive the identical treatment when it was our turn. The three of them had agreed to this procedure, but when the time came we were hardly able to tie more than two or three sentences together before either the father or the daughter broke in and interrupted our thoughts. This went on throughout the evening, even though we were meeting in the building owned by the church of Christ, and myself and the other preacher were close to being old enough to be the young woman’s grandfather! At times, the daughter was almost as insulting and disrespectful as the father was, even though she persistently corrected her father for his obvious and constant violations of good conduct! All the while, we never raised our voices at them, and did our very best not to take offense in any personal way. Not once did either of us respond in kind to any of the name-calling or judgmental raving of either of them. But none of this seemed to deter them. The preacher who was with them was clearly embarrassed and thoroughly disgusted by their behavior, so much so in fact, that both of us actually felt sorry for him!

The whole thing proved to be a fiasco the like of which I have seldom seen in many years of personal Bible studies with people from all walks of life and from many different social and religious backgrounds. I urged the local preacher not to continue a study with such people. How could it prove profitable? At the same time, I could not help but make the observation that our concept of what is “polite” and “respectful” of others has changed in a marked way that is not akin in any fashion to that which has been historically associated with a “polite society,” not to mention a “Christian” society. It cannot be forgotten that these folks claimed a “Christian” association with churches in the community. Such raving lunacy is not indicative of anything “Christian” with which we are in any way familiar!

Remember this: both of these people went to church regularly, and associated themselves with religious groups that are traditionally described as “evangelical.” They felt sufficiently comfortable in our assemblies to worship with us on both nights in question. And, all of us around that table believed that the Bible was the inspired Word of God and that it was the only rule of faith and practice. And yet this did not keep this father and daughter duo from repeatedly insulting us, calling us names, raising their voices almost to the level of shouting, and showing no respect at all for those who were their elders age-wise. In nearly fifty years of preaching work, I have never been treated with such discourtesy and insolence. No doubt other readers could offer many other examples of like kind. This is indeed indicative of a society that is discourteous, impertinent, disrespectful, rude and ill-mannered. This is what we have come to in the so-called “post Christian era” in modern America! Is there any wonder that fist fights and brawls are a constant in our contemporary societal life?

The singular conclusion that could be drawn from this whole sordid portraiture of our experience on those two evenings is that these folks had imbibed the zeitgeist or spirit of the age we are living in to such an extent that they thought it was entirely acceptable to engage in behavior of this sort toward others. I related this story precisely on account of the fact that the proceedings described occurred in and around a house of worship and between people all of whom claimed association with Jesus Christ. Common wisdom throughout the ages has concluded that treatment of our fellow men in a kind and courteous fashion is the best procedure in dealing with one another. As Schopernhauer observed in his Wisdom of Life and Counsels and Maxims: “It is a wise thing to be polite; consequently, it is a stupid thing to be rude. To make enemies by unnecessary and willful incivility, is just as insane a proceeding as to set your house on fire. For politeness is like a counter ˗ an avowedly false coin, with which it is foolish to be stingy.” And Theodore Roosevelt noted that, “Politeness is a sign of dignity, not subservience.” We do not give up anything by being rude, but we surrender many Christian principles by acting otherwise.

Why has our present generation disregarded this wisdom from the ages? Perhaps it is because it is inconvenient to us, and requires considerable effort from us. Maybe we have become too lazy to be nice. Certainly it represents an act of the will and at times forces uncomfortable emotions from deep within us like humility and deference toward others. But most important of all, it is not the contented companion of egoism and selfishness, which is inarguably the most obvious and obnoxious trait that is seen in the age in which we are now living.

The writer of Leviticus 19:18 stated, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (cf. also Lev. 19:34). Jesus also struck at the heart of this ugly side of humanity with his teaching, recorded in Matthew 7:12 and Luke 6:31 which states, “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (ESV). The identical principle is enumerated in the Talmud as well, given in the name of the sage Hillel but in a negative format, “That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation; go and learn” (Shabbat 31a).

Personally I must say that I want the old “polite society” back! I realize that it was not then perfectly polite; I have not yet lost all of my memory of the past. But it was most assuredly a great deal more polite than it is now. If this sort of thing represents even a hint of where we are headed in the wake of secularism’s triumph in the US, then there is a great deal more ugliness in our future than some of us would like to imagine. Fasten your seat belt, it is going to be a rough ride!